The past week has been suffocating. I have felt trapped and alone and ...robbed. I feel as though I've been robbed of my right to make a decision regarding whether I stay or go since I found his betrayal less than a week before I birthed my son. Robbed from my right to be involved in a loving and sexually pure marriage. Robbed of the right to provide my children with a rock solid family. I have felt robbed of the right to speak freely. I have found this last week was challenging at best. I feel as though I'm pushing my face as high as I can trying to reach air. Trying to find some oxygen in the midst of all this poison. I envision myself clawing at my neck and beating my chest begging my lungs to work.. to just BREATHE. The urge to run to healthy air has been nearly overpowering.
Oddly enough, in the midst of all this chaos and hurt and shadow, I had a very good day yesterday.
Not one bitter word was uttered by either Amos or myself. Not only was there not any bitterness, but there was intimacy, on a new level. Which is....monumental. There were sweet words and smiles and he told me he was sorry. It's amazing what one little "I'm sorry" can do. Even when I've heard it before.
Today I'm just riding out the wave. I don't know how long my oxygen supply will last. A day? A week? I don't know... but I'm going to enjoy it while I can.
And so I breathe.
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