Thankful?

I realize that I am in the midst of telling a story and so, by all logical thought , I should probably pick up where I left off. But I find I am distracted.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Amos and I had been having a rough few days but I thought it had been resolved and I awoke determined to have a happy Thanksgiving. Apparently I was mistaken.

For the first half of the morning all of my attempts to engage Amos in conversation failed. Miserably. After a morning of near hostility I was near my breaking point. And then this conversation happened while I was in the midst of combing my daughter's hair...

Amos: What does Ruth have in her mouth?

(Ruth is our young daughter)

Esther: She's having her very first piece of chewing gum!

(At this point Amos looks at me as if I had just told him I handed our daughter an oozie.)

Amos: That was not a good idea.

Esther: You've been very critical of me lately.

Amos: Yeah.

Esther: You act like you don't even like me anymore...

Amos: I don't know.

Esther: You can't tell me wether or not you even like me anymore?

Amos: Just finish Ruth's hair.

Needless to say... I was devestated. I would not have been more shocked had he slapped me in the face. You can't bring yourself to say you like me? Truely? I'm your wife. The woman who has stayed with you for 6 years and stood by you through an addiction that breaks my heart. The mother of your children. I left my family and friends to marry you, my lover and my best friend and now you don't even know if you LIKE me?

I basically shut down the rest of the day and so did he. We didnt touch. We went out of our way not to. We communicated only to exchange vital pieces of information primarily regarding the children. We slapped on fake smiles and went to Thanksgiving dinner and in the eyes of all we were a happy little family.

This morning I awoke and found this note :

"I don't like the anger and silence either. I still love you."

It's a step I suppose. I was glad to get it. It's nice to hear I am still loved but after yesterday, I can't help but feel a bit jerked around. Just another day in the life of a porn widow I suppose.

Here's hoping that my Black Friday is not quite so black as my Thanksgiving.